Random Musings

What happens when you start living in a way which does not reflect the kind of person you are . There are times when we all build guards around ourselves. The reasons why we do so could be numerous, each justifiable by its own set of circumstances. Some people do it because of their experiences in the past, some do it 'cause they wouldnt like to show the world what they think, so do it as they dont want to get hurt etc etc etc.

Such a life makes you live in your comfort zones.Infact, it helps in building a comfort zone. You tend to socialize around certain kind of people, tend to display behaviour which lives up to the image you have created around you own self, tend to hide your emotions when you are hurt through trivialization etc.Such guards becomes a normal part of your life & you change as a person. Initially, it starts with the assumption that you are a different person beneath than what you actually show & that your true self would be revealed only to the ones who matter to you. Howard Roark was an example of this though Audrey might differ on the conclusion. But as time progresses, there is a strange mixture which starts brewing. You real self & projected self tend to converge & thus creates a persona which is neither here not there.

That sounds like trouble, doesnt it? But the funny part is the person who would be facing this problem doesnt even realize that its a problem or even the fact that it happens. The confluence is so subtle that it makes small changes to your behaviour, way of thinking, way you act, percieve things etc. I've always believed that there is a inner voice which guides us, tells us when are doing something which goes against our value system. Each human being is borne with this inner navigation system. Some of us ignore it & it slowly dies down. Some of us listen to it selectively. Some of us believe in it. I know that I dont belong to the first category, its a choice between 2'nd & 3'rd. So my voice tells me whenever this small change happens & I realize that its actually happening. I dont know whether i want to stop it or should i conveniently look the other way & term it evolution

We all have reached crossroads in life which forces us to think deep & make choices. The crossroad as like most Indian crossroads doesnt have traffic lights which results in uncertainity. You are not sure about the choices you are making, not sure about your decisions & definitely not sure about the outcome of your ow endevours. This becomes unsettling, leads to mood swings & probably you are not longer the cool suave individual you have projected to be -

Hope for the best but dont make it one of the reasons for existence !!!